Palm Desert, California (PressExposure) July 10, 2009 -- A disastrous, catastrophic event has taken place and it has resulted in a failed marriage, single parenting, and poor finances. Now your thinking you want to reunite with your ex. For many couples it isn't really one disaster that has ended their marriage, but rather the disaster was just the icing on the cake. The real issues in their marriage have been ignored or the couple has been unsuccessful at fixing what is broken in their relationship. Suddenly something terrible has happened and one or the other, or both, simply feel they can take no more, thus they opt for separation leaving a door open in case they want to reunite with their ex, or close the door permanently with divorce.
Many couples reunite even after divorce. Some will begin dating again or just seeing each other casually. Some stay friends, and end up getting back together later in life. Some couples, have such a hard time with the back and forth of the kids, the bickering, the sadness, the change in lifestyle for them and their kids, and raising kids as a single parent, that they find themselves wondering if the divorce was really worth it.
Saving a marriage is quite a bit of hard work but when you think about it so is the whole divorce procedure in itself not to mention getting settled in life as a single parent, handling all the struggles with your kids alone, feeling alone, being alone, and the list goes on and on.
Here are some things for you to put into practice before you consider the hard road of divorce.
Couples Raising Kids.
Having kids, raising kids and the constant attention it all takes can have a strain on any marriage, but there is some very sound, productive advice out there about how to handle raising kids so that couples can have time for each other and themselves as individuals.
Learn the areas involving raising kids that you can start to work on as early as possible so that when they become toddlers and preschoolers they will have learned how to play independently, how not to interrupt when their parents are talking and how to say goodbye without screaming when their parents go out for a while, and how to keep your kids from requiring so much discipline. I cannot tell you the difference these areas can make in the enjoyment of raising kids and on a marriage.
If you choose to reunite with your ex or cancel your separation, be sure you embark on your new path using these skills toward raising kids.
Men and Women.
There is no surprise that the way men handle things and the way women handle things is usually very different. Some repress their feelings while others grieve out loud and don't hold back. A man needs to be able to understand women to some degree and the same is true of the reverse. Then, learn about your man, and men should learn about their woman.
The worst of times and the best of times.
It is highly advisable that a couple learns what he can expect from his partner when the bad times hit and how they will react and behave. Learning this can help you take care not to make things worse and also help to be prepared for what you will experience when hard times hit. For Example: If you know that when you and your wife argue she a tendency to get very heated up and agitated, then don't start off the conversation with some smart-alecky comment, or immediately put her in the hot seat. This will only fuel her more, and the conversation has only just begun.
Commit and Support.
Discuss with each that you are going to get through this together. Be positive, own the decision you have made and know that many couples around the world are in the same position and many couples DO get through it for an even better relationship then before.
Be a team and support each other's weaknesses. When one of you is down the other should understand and help with whatever load there is to carry.
Cultivate your Support team.
Neither of you should go it alone. Find good friends and family members that can help sustain you, give you encouragement, love and understanding. They should be people who have gone through something similar, who are genuine, and not people who will discuss your personal business all around town.
Hang out, Laugh, love and just kick it.
Spend time with fun-loving people who are down to earth and can go with the flow.
Watch comedy TV or Movies and have a good laugh. If you laugh at different things then take turns watching each others show. Laughter is contagious so more than likely even if you are watching something that doesn't make her laugh she will still end up laughing just because you are.
Laughter is a good break from the burdens we all carry. It lightens the heart and soul and creates positive brain waves.
When it comes to marriage, and especially when there are children involved, it is strongly suggested that counseling be obtained to help the couple get through the tough times and rebuild their relationship, hopefully having learned more about themselves, each other and how to be a first-rate partner. Regardless of the type of marriage you have, or your religion, marriage counseling is a step that needs to be taken and taken seriously.
Marriage is a sacred bond between people. Although vows are made, people are not perfect - mistakes are made and hearts are broken. This in no way means it is necessary to end your marriage or your relationship. It is highly possible to reunite with your ex and re-build a sturdy foundation that gives both people a fulfilling relationship in which they can be proud of, and their children can feel secure that their parents will stay together.