Pompano Beach, FL (PressExposure) July 07, 2009 -- Cash4Gold, Americaâs # 1 buyer of precious metals direct from the general public has announced an offer to buy the Americaâs national gold reserve for the price of $240 billion.
Cash 4 Gold learned of the Obama Administrationâs plan to convert the nationâs gold reserves into cash from the Onion News Network. The station broke the story at the Radio and Television Correspondentsâ Association Dinner in Washington, D.C. There, scores of political leaders, including the President himself, and dozens of media leaders viewed a T.V. news segment by the Onion announcing the new economic plan.
Appearing on The Onion to explain the governmentâs plan to work with Cash4Gold [http://www.theonion.com/content/video/us_to_trade_gold_reserves_for?utm_source=a-section], Deputy Treasury Secretary Edward Kuehnel put an approximate $200 billion price tag on the pure gold that makes up Americaâs reserve. The remarkable $240 billion offer from Cash4Gold reflects the melt value of the U.S. stockpile, plus an extra 20 percent. Decorative, artistic, historic and sentimental values have no impact on melt value, which refers to the value of the precious metal in an item that a refinery can extract and recycle.
Cash4Gold is paying an additional 20 percent on all items received before July 4 as part of a current promotional campaign called the Cash4Gold Gold Rush. Buying the U.S. governmentâs gold would put Cash4Gold at 240,000 percent above its stated goal of buying $100 million in gold by July 4.
The plan to sell the federal gold reserve was the brainchild of Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, who apparently came up with the idea after seeing a Cash4Gold commercial on television, the Onion reported.
"Cash4Gold has helped hundreds of thousands of Americans monetize their broken or unwanted jewelry, and we certainly stand ready to serve the American government," said Cash4Gold CEO Jeff Aronson. "It would not only be a privilege, but a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for Cash4Gold to do its patriotic duty by helping bolster the U.S. economy," Aronson added.
Cash4Gold also offered Treasury Secretary Geithner a seat on its Board of Advisers. "Secretary Geithner has been at center stage during recent months, working tirelessly to improve the economic situation in America," said Aronson. "We hope that he will accept a position with Cash4Goldâs Board of Advisors, and share with us some of the insights he has gained through his unique experience."
As Deputy Treasury Secretary Kuehnel told the Onion, the U.S. plan to sell its gold to Cash4Gold has no real risk, since all transactions with Cash4Gold are fully backed by a 100 percent satisfaction guarantee. Cash4Gold customers have 12 days to call or return their checks should they decide not to accept Cash4Goldâs offer. Their goods are then returned at no cost.
As it does with every all materials it receives, Cash4Gold will test the metal using the most sophisticated assaying equipment in the jewelry industry to determine the goldâs weight and purity.
Cash4Gold will likely need to draw upon the efforts of every one of its 300employees to process a shipment of this size. Postal and insurance rates for such a transaction would provide a significant additional economic stimulus for the governmentânot to mention the cash they would get for their gold.
*This is obviously satire.